Fear

​In recruiting to build a new listening team Ruth Nelson, John Montieth, and I encountered an old enemy: fear. There were our own fears: Can I do this? Are our plans too ambitious? Do we have enough time? What if people say “no”? And there were others’ fears: What—me listen? I’m not the kind of person who does something like that.
I’m not the most skilled or gracious in responding to other people’s fears. If I don’t win you over with enthusiasm for the effort, I probably won’t win you over at all.
But I learned a new word: “counterphobic.” That’s me. To others, I may appear fearless, while I’m truly as afraid as anyone else. Maybe more so. I’m afraid of doing the thing, whatever it is. But I’m also more afraid of not doing it. That second “counterphobia” steamrolls the original fear, demanding I do the very things I’m afraid of doing. I have a reputation of fearlessness to uphold, don’t I? Others are relying on me to lead, to succeed, to win! says the counterphobic voice.
Befriending that voice, I’ve become so much more understanding of others’ fears. Funny how being more aware of my own fears does that. When I set out to listen, I’m often afraid. Thankfully, beside the counterphobia are many memories of joy in experiencing a powerful human connection in listening. The joy of the Lord is our strength